When all is NOT well within you, the best thing you can do is say just that! A facade or a mask will do you no good. Those just make you feel that much more alone and empty pretending to be something you're not.
When we masquerade around with the "I got everything together" sign on our foreheads, we get worn down under the weight and pressure of keeping it all together. But when we just come out and say: "I feel like all hell is breaking loose around me and I don't know which way is up." That's when real change and freedom can start to take place.
Freedom starts when we start being real,
authentic and vulnerable.
Side note: this is when the butterflies start to flutter in my stomach and I wonder if I should just delete the whole thing or dive on in. It's getting a little too personal, I think. But then I read what I wrote above and I know in my heart it pays to be real no matter how ugly it might seem. So here goes...
Today was one of those days--one of those days where you question and take stock of all the things you've done. You ask yourself questions like:
- What have I been doing with my life?
- What's my purpose?
- My mission?
- My passions?
- Does anyone really care what I do?
- Who am I helping? Serving? Going above and beyond for?
And you start to compare to others and what they are doing and suddenly you start to feel very very very small and insignifacant based on your accomplishments. You feel behind and like the train has left the station without you, but all of your friends are on it!
For me a day like this doesn't happen all that often, but when it does, it hits me hard. It can be extremely easy to compare myself to my counterparts (friends & classmates I graduated with) and say: look at them. They have a graduate degree already. They earn xyz. They are married. They own a house. Yada, yada, yada.
Here I am at 27 years old, after being a competitive athlete for 20 years, struggling to find meaning, purpose and identity. I know this isn't rare or uncommon for athletes when they retire, but it's hard nonetheless. When you pour your heart, soul and body into something--when you pour your being into chasing a dream, and then it goes away, it's like learning how to walk again.
So I find myself in this season asking myself: what are my passions? What do I love to do? Where do I want to work? Where do I want to live? What's a fulfilling occupation for me?….As crazy as it might sound, but when you're consumed with a goal and dream, you don't really ask yourself these questions. Every fiber of your being is in the pursuit of your dream.